A Manifesto

Rules by Which a Great Institution May Be
Reduced to a Laughingstock

Presented to the Institution of Christ University;
Its masters, victims and subjects.

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”[1]

“So when the parade

found the battle ground,

And there was no-

body to be found;

The cry of whiplashes-

the diminished sounds-

subsided in flashes;

The parade still found-

the battle to be fought,

the revenge to be sought.”

-       Flagbearers[2]

The primitive student boasted that though he could not act, he knew how to make a great institution out of a little one. The science that I, a modern student, am about to communicate, is the very reverse.

I address myself to all those great men and women who have the sensibilities to distinguish justice and righteousness from wasting time and energies to build a future. Their very genius is threatened by the troublesome university because the multiplicity of their efforts towards the achievement of a higher purpose leaves them no time for studies[3].

The arguments that are hereby made, are made, keeping in mind the level of understanding at which the most important people to whom it is dedicated to, operate.

The composition of logic in the essay is equivalent to its composition in the ideologies they act upon.

I.           In the first place, ladies and gentlemen, you are to consider that a great institution, like a mug of Oreo shake[4], is most easily diminished from the top. Turn your attention, therefore, to suck out any good reputation that the university has labored to form in our nation. As you get rid of them, the next may follow in order.

II.        The possibility that the justifications you are trying to construct around your argument may make sense, take special care to spread rumors which are vague and untrue, that they are filled with hatred and despise so as to reflect the false image of the university as a Nazi gas chamber from the times of Holocaust. Trash talks and petty issues must be sensationalized so that the egos are satisfied and the feeling of uselessness of life is replaced by self-importance. By carefully ensuring and preserving such distinctions, you will act like a packet of Lays, which, although has very little substance to substantiate its existence – people are forced to buy.

III.     You may, to strengthen your support staff and add fuel to the fire, probe fragile sentiments which people have used to substantiate their claims to a point of abuse. Terms like ‘freedom of speech’, ‘liberal thinking’, ‘tolerance’, ‘development’, ‘progressive’, and ‘independence’ must be used without discretion or logic. Its mere presence would enable you to gather the support of people who will be ready for a revolution[5].

IV.       However peaceably the university has responded to your acts, shown their affection towards your interests, and patiently borne your grievances; you are to suppose them as always inclined to reject and belittle your intentions, and treat them accordingly. Dedicate your time to elect leaders, who by their insolence may provoke the university to take action, and by their false tears and victimization suppress them. By this means, like a husband who uses his wife ill from suspicion, you may in time convert your suspicions into realities.

V.           Seek to bring other institutions into play, who will join you in keeping your foot on the dead corpse of the university’s reputation. They will claim that their institutions foster conditions that are friendlier and considerate – highlighted by the ranking of their institutions in the Best Colleges in India list. You can shake hands with them to drag the university down the stairs of success, and in this process let the university bleed out its essence.

VI.       If you manage to carve your desires upon the cornerstone of this institution, eradicate the terminology of ‘university’ associated with the name, and re-name it aptly (Something like ‘circus’ or ‘relaxation center’ would fit right in). Casualise rules and regulations, especially dress code- Everybody would appreciate the opportunity parade to themselves and look at others parading, this could lead to a positive impact on the overall morale of students. The routine barren land could finally be converted into greener pastures. It would also help the student’s cause of making friends with people who can live up to their standards- hence, promoting hegemonic harmony and peaceful homogenic groupism. The security system must also be revamped to ease the pressure on students.

The identity cards which choke the students like neck-cuffs and promotes slavery, must be removed so that everyone from every part of the world can enter the university premises. The university must do so to be an exemplar of equality in the world. Declare holidays on occasions celebrated by every class, caste, creed and culture in this world, so as to respect their heritage and pay homage to their existence in this wonderful world. Give gifts and reward those who indulge in acts which fulfils their hearts’ desires irrespective of violation of any ethics or morals, for they are exercising the basic human right– freedom of choice – which must be celebrated.

VII.    It is your duty as the harbinger of change to predict the future of the university through the theoretical framework of Murphy’s Law. It is important that you use this law to your advantage. Curb, shame and put peer pressure on any efforts to deviate from the hypothesis that you have derived. Any student trying to achieve change through proper means must be stopped, for who has ever changed anything in this world without hostility and hate speech? Right? 

VIII.  Avoid giving any possible solutions regarding any real grievances to the university, for they should suffer for their lack of insight into the lives of the students.

IX.      Deny completely and with conviction that it may for a second, look completely believable, that half the rules and regulations that the university runs on, was not made clear to you. Claim that the signing of paper acknowledging your admission into the university with these rules and regulations, is a myth.  

X.          Disregard the origins of this great revolution completely. You must by all means necessary, erase the part where the reasons of students wearing black clothes was to show solidarity than to revolt. Disregard the existence of 16,000 odd students who have refused to be a part of this historical movement, because they are oblivious to realize the hard times that the students face in the university. Disregard the fact that a student is entitled to make suggestions for any book they want in the library and arrangements would be made for the book to be present there within a week. Disregard the fact that the university is always willing to sponsor funds and make arrangements for any program or fest that you might want to conduct. Disregard the fact that attendance is taken care of in case of emergencies and it is only the perpetual carelessness from the students to inquire and complete formalities in order to claim it. Disregard the fact that the allegations are all excuses in order to make life “easier” in a university, and completely lose what the point of a university is actually supposed to be – preparing for life in the real world. You must emphasize the fact that a university is supposed to cater to all your whims and fancies (avoid mentioning ‘needs and wants’ because they are already taken care of and you don’t want the others to know that). 

EPIGRAPH

It is only upon the successful adherence to these rules that you shall be able to fulfil your greater purpose in life. You shall be blessed with the title of - "The Revolutionaries", a title which will make you stand out of the crowd.

It will be the most enterprising prospect in your CV. It shall open for you, newer avenues of employment which requires unique traits such as unruliness and ingratitude. Certainly, a prospect which must thrill those who have taken it upon themselves to partake in such a noble cause. My faith in humanity is restored. I truly believe, as exclaimed often in common parlance - "Achhe din aa rahe hain (Good days are coming)."

End-Notes 

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[1] William Shakespeare, As You Like It, Act 5, Scene 1, Page 2

[2] Artistic Psyche, Flagbearers, Lines 1 – 10 (Sonnet)

[3] “pointless action of overworking the brain…” (69, alllyy. Urban Dictionary. 20 January 2008. Web. 7 August 2016.)

[4] One of the most popular non-alcoholic drink amongst Christites according to sources.   

[5] “…an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.” (Bierce, Ambrose. "Revolution." Bierce, Ambrose. The Devil's Dictionary. United States: Project Gutenburg, 2008. 134. E-Book.)