It has been two weeks since I last washed my clothes. Two months since I've told my mother that I would buy the carton of eggs tomorrow. Two years since I woke up and felt the sunshine kissed my cheeks and the chilled wind caressing my neck. I must say I've been reckless.
Talk about recklessness! The last time I wrote something like this was 8 months ago! Can you believe how I've never even realized that I have grown up?
I really think that the care and caution that once had been on the tip of my tongue and running through my veins have diluted. There doesn't seem to be two extremes of right or wrong anymore. The line separating the two used look like a cliff where the other side of right used to look like death. I was unaware then, that there was a land beneath the cliff too. And if not a land, at least a deep ocean which was mysterious and unexplored. Now that I stand on the edge of the cliff, its never been any clearer - I have been careless.
I have been careless to leave behind many essential things. My innocence, negligence, ignorance and bittersweet emotions. God knows why it has to become so difficult to open up and speak and feel and cry and laugh as you grow older. Growth is a warning word and I've been careless to not discover it earlier.
My carelessness has also reached a point where I am scared I will throw away what I've got and go in the pursuit of something that makes me happy, rather than be in the comfort of what works. I've been careless to think that I would end up long dead in that journey to find happiness and all that would remain of me is ashes that others mourn. Why does optimism have to be so careless and pessimism so secure? I feel that everyone has been careless so far, and the mankind will never learn. In their carelessness they find experiences that they never thought they would ever go through. In those careless strides that they take to move along their life, some find happiness and some find knowledge of where to find happiness. Sometimes I can't believe how careless I have been not to be careless enough!
I really think that the care and caution that once had been on the tip of my tongue and running through my veins have diluted. There doesn't seem to be two extremes of right or wrong anymore. The line separating the two used look like a cliff where the other side of right used to look like death. I was unaware then, that there was a land beneath the cliff too. And if not a land, at least a deep ocean which was mysterious and unexplored. Now that I stand on the edge of the cliff, its never been any clearer - I have been careless.
I have been careless to leave behind many essential things. My innocence, negligence, ignorance and bittersweet emotions. God knows why it has to become so difficult to open up and speak and feel and cry and laugh as you grow older. Growth is a warning word and I've been careless to not discover it earlier.
My carelessness has also reached a point where I am scared I will throw away what I've got and go in the pursuit of something that makes me happy, rather than be in the comfort of what works. I've been careless to think that I would end up long dead in that journey to find happiness and all that would remain of me is ashes that others mourn. Why does optimism have to be so careless and pessimism so secure? I feel that everyone has been careless so far, and the mankind will never learn. In their carelessness they find experiences that they never thought they would ever go through. In those careless strides that they take to move along their life, some find happiness and some find knowledge of where to find happiness. Sometimes I can't believe how careless I have been not to be careless enough!
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