Conversations with you: Blur

So my board exams are on, and my parents do everything they can to make me feel at ease. So this particular day, they took me out for a drive. I had already been feeling damp. Somehow what followed was thoughts. Disturbing enough to take my mind of the enormous flashy buildings of city. Putting on music or doing something distracting is something I often resort to to avoid thoughts as these. It happens quite often these days and the reason is beyond my comprehension at times. They come in bursts, at the most unexpected of situations. So suddenly that there is no time left to brace yourself for it. I do not know about you... maybe you feel it too! In any case, you are not alone. Sleep is disturbed these days, my sleep breaks in the middle of the night and I constantly check the time. 1:30...2:45...3:20...5:28. The digits are irritating. Anyways, I was just giving you a backdrop of what's been up and what could potentially be causing these thoughts. This is what I wrote back then - 

I don't want to be rich, I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be the suited corporate bastard looking to brim my pocket with money from others'. I don't want to be that lonely watchman sitting on plastic chair ogling on the expensive cars which strays past him. I don't want to be cascaded in the royal blue lounge drinking away my sorrow, nor do I want to be that street-side toy seller. I don't want to forget to love, I don't want to replace it with lust. I don't want to be forgotten, I don't want to pass away into nothingness. I don't want to lose nor do I want to win... Either ways , I don't want it to end. I don't want to survive nor do I want to thrive, just want to live my life in peace.I don't want to be a victim of murdered dreams. I want to revert back, turn the clock upside down and the nights to days , and days into nights. Go back into the laps of my mother, start again and relive the moments I remember and the moments I've forgotten. Be something else, I don't want to be an animal, I want to be a human again.. Can we restart this game without erasing the save file... Please?

Perhaps I am frightened of all the changes that are taking place in my life. It's only human nature isn't it?